


I feel like everyone I love hates me

by Lemony_zest



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Author Projecting onto Eddie Kaspbrak, Author Projecting onto Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I kin these characters so obviously I had to write about them how I think about myself, Insecurity, M/M, Richie Tozier-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemony_zest/pseuds/Lemony_zest
Summary: Eddie doesn't try to be annoying, he really doesn't. Neither does Richie, they just can't help it.Baisicly me projecting my insecurities onto these two.Note that this is mostly based on the characters separately and not together.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Eddie Kaspbrak(if you squint), Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 6





	1. Eddie and his overwhelming feelings

**Author's Note:**

> God I'm not updating my smut stuff because I fell into a depressive episode so I have to write this shit instead. Sorry guys.

Sometimes Eddie gets overwhelmed when it's too loud in the group, he has to leave when that happens. He always feels bad about having to leave. He doesn't always feel bad about leaving them all mid sentence and sometimes it's more the feeling that his friends don't even care when he leaves, or that he's overwhelmed. It's dumb he knows it, he can tell it's selfish of him to want his friends to pay so much attention to him. It's dumb and he hates that about himself, the thought that he needs to be accommodated to, it makes him feel small and weak when things that everyone else can deal with hurt him. It's never a physical hurt, but kind of a mental hurt and a dread feeling. Like he's the weak link.

Sometimes though the others notice, when he's looking around frantically like he can't focus on just one thing, and he goes to start covering his ears. All of the losers help, separately. They kind of take turns in no specific order. 

When Ben notices he walks after Eddie to catch up with him, when Eddie starts crying, they sit down wherever they are and Ben speaks quietly, sometimes Ben will hug him because he needs the touch to confirm someone is there for him, most of the time though Eddie doesn't like to be touched when he's overwhelmed, there is already to much going on so feeling or anything touching him adds another thing and makes it worse. That's just Ben though, they all help. That is also just when he gets overwhelmed.

Eddie is a dick a lot, nagging and whining at others, he also just taunts them until they get pissed at him. He doesn't mean to make them so mad. Some of the time the losers snap at him when he does too much, not all of them snap at him, Ben and Mike being the only ones who don't yell at him when they think he's being overbearing. They all have the right to be upset at him, he knows it, he doesn't really understand why any of them still like him when all he does is piss them them off. He just complains so much and they all deal with it as though every person complains about every little thing.

He also just doesn't like the way he looks, he's mostly fine with himself, but some days he'll just look at himself and think 'Huh I'm pretty ugly' and he thinks that would sound funny to anyone else who heard it. He just doesn't look at his body or face and go 'Oh I look nice'. He's a bit chubby and his eyes are kind of buggy, Richie's eyes are also buggy, but only because of his glasses and Eddie thinks they look cute when they're on Richie. He doesn't think he fits with the rest of the group, they're all some kind of pretty, Ben has been losing weight and even if he wasn't, he's cute in an adorable kind of way, and he's kind, people like that. Mike and Bill are handsome, he thinks. Stanley is attractive in the way guys can be pretty. Beverly is just plain pretty. Richie is all of the above. 

He doesn't think anyone could like him with the way he is. Mean and ugly. Who would want to be around that? He cuts himself off from the group for a couple days until being at home with his mom becomes too much and he has to see the others again. Richie usually calls him though when he's away for longer than three days. Eddie likes Richie if that isn't obvious he doesn't think Richie could possibly like him back. He bothers Richie the most. Richie never tells Eddie he's annoying just that he needs to knock it off. He doesn't think oh so pretty Richie, and thin and tall Richie could ever like him. Short angry mean and pudgy Eddie. 

The process starts up again whenever he rejoins the group.


	2. Chapter 2

Richie likes being included in things, he does. He likes getting attention from his friends, and just generally likes being with them. Sometimes though it's a weird kind of sting when he's around them. They can all joke and laugh without him, so what's the point of him being around if they can fill his place. He is often prone to getting his feelings hurt as soon as they shut his feelings down, it's not an always thing, sometimes his jokes get shut down and he gets it. Sometimes jokes don't fit the situation and they can just make things worse. The problem comes when it's just a normal moment and a usual joke and they all shut him down anyway. He can't understand why the joke doesn't stick. It's hard for him to make sense of not being seen in a positive light when all he's trying to do is make his friends laugh. 

They all tolerate it for a while and it hurts when they don't, but he understands. He thinks he wouldn't be friends with himself. He's kind of loud and obnoxious, he doesn't really understand how the rest of them deal with him.

He wants to be good for something, he thinks that something is making people laugh. When his friends don't laugh he isn't good for anything.

He lays awake sometimes and thinks about the fact he's annoying and all his friends probably think the same thing. 

He has a fear that all his friends just keep him there because they're all accepting. I mean the losers club welcomes everyone right.

Sometimes he does things he knows is annoying after he's done it, but in the moment it seemed funny.

He doesn't see the point in them hanging out with him after those moments.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie doesn't get great grades, don't get him wrong he tries his best but he just can't seem to understand any of the material. He doesn't tell his friends though. He can't. They might think he's stupid and he doesn't want that. I mean it's not like they'd tell him he's stupid, Stanley got held back a year and none of them ever said anything about it. He can't help but think though that he is the dumbest person alive, because who fails even when they try. 

One day his mother had berated him with questions about his grades, she had shouted 'You're friends might not care if you're stupid or if you get held back but I do'. It was difficult to say the least to hear his mother thought he was stupid. 

If his own mother thought he was stupid what would his friends think. 

They'd think he was an idiot and who would want to be friends with someone so stupid.

He thinks he's jealous of Richie because at least Richie who is dumb most of the time gets straight A's

He really does try but he is just a failure. Nobody wants a failure as a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess what line came from my own experience :')


End file.
